Zakah's Story

I used food the way other people use drugs - to escape from uncomfortable feelings and situations.

I started dieting when I was eight years old. By the time I was 24, I was no longer capable of sticking to a diet for even one day. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to eat, but that I had to eat. The obsession would not be relieved until I had my binge. Even then, I didn’t enjoy it. I barely noticed the taste as I inhaled the food. I just needed my fix. But I felt utterly broken afterwards.

It was an insane mental obsession, coupled with an overwhelming physical craving. I was completely powerless.

Successful in every other are of my life, no one could say I had no will power. I was a straight A student from kindergarten through college, while juggling many extra-curricular activities. As an adult, I’ve been very involved in community service projects, raising my large family, and starting several successful businesses. Why couldn’t I apply the same discipline and focus to my eating habits?

Despite being highly functional, I was walking through life in a food fog - lethargic and fatigued, confused and frustrated. I put on a happy face, but I was aching within. Outwardly religious, inside I felt spiritually barren. Every bite was a brick in the wall between me and G-d. Instead of turning to G-d during times of need, I turned to food.

I tried everything to control my eating. I joined diet clubs, got hypnotized, took herbal remedies and diet pills, did acupuncture, chiropractic, psychotherapy, exercised, went to weight loss spas. Spent lots of money we didn’t have looking for a cure. Nothing was more important than finding a solution to this absolutely confounding problem.

It wasn’t just the extra weight that weighed me down, but the mental anguish of being out of control. I ate in total privacy, and the dishonesty of sneaking and hiding my eating behavior ate away at my integrity. It was a vicious downward spiral of self-loathing, anger and blaming others for my problems, and self-pity.

I finally realized that I had to ask G-d for help with my eating problem. I had to become willing to make a lot of changes and I needed G-d’s help with that too.

It’s been a process of learning how to live without turning to food as a coping mechanism. I now utilize healthy, productive tools to help me walk through any situation. I’ve cut out foods that trigger physical cravings and I have complete neutrality around food. It does not beckon or tempt me in the least. Today I am free from the mental obsession with eating. Plus, I have maintained a healthy, normal body weight for the past 6 years.

There is solution. It’s simple, but not easy. It works and I am extremely grateful.

• Eli's Story
• Zakah's Story